Just Remember: You Are Not Chelsea Clinton

There were a lot of losers who complained when NBC gave Chelsea Clinton $600,000 a year to do feel-good happy stories on their newscasts. Some of those losers were actually journalists who had went to journalism school and never came close to making $600,000 for their entire lives.

 But Chelsea endured the sea of poison and envy and pushed on to do amazing  work as a journalist,  like the interview she did with the Geico gecko. Her work was so rare in fact, it is almost impossible to find any reference to it anywhere.

However, Chelsea has finally given up her strenuous post at NBC and moved on from what some ne'r-do- wells have called her "fake job" as a reporter, to her "real job" of saving the world as the Director of the Bill, Hillary, and Chelsea Clinton Foundation.

You see, she has a degree from Stanford, and two degrees from Oxford and you don't. Her professors loved her and gave her the highest praise in public. Did your professors (at the local public university) even know you existed? Did they ask you your name and what class you were in when you sought them out for a reference?

Yep. I thought so.

Chances are, before you ever get a steady job as a file clerk in some governmental agency somewhere in Bumfuck, USA Chelsea Clinton will have won an Oscar, a Grammy (for spoken word), and the Nobel Peace Prize. And while you're contemplating suicide as the only way out of your soul-sucking 9-5 job as a clerk in Bumfuck (if you even get it), she will be contemplating her first presidential campaign.

So at this point you should  put away those lofty dreams of "contributing" to the world and being satisfied with the work you're doing while making enough money to live on. You will never achieve these things, you're not good enough. And besides, Chelsea Clinton has saving the world covered. She doesn't need help from losers like you.

Good luck in Bumfuck!